Book Ends
by ArwenLalaith
Summary: AU. Emily's life revolves around Lux - her four year old autistic daughter. She hasn't had a relationship since she got pregnant and certainly isn't looking to start one when she meets Alex Blake: phenom children's author..
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is for the 2019 CM Big Bang - I've posted the whole thing on AO3, if you don't want to wait to read it all. That's also where you can find the accompanying art by Dark Jedi Queen!**

**As a side note, this fic deals with an autistic child and I've done my best to keep it realistic (I do have autism, so some of it is from experience), but I'm not an expert and I apologize for anything that doesn't ring true!**

* * *

Derek heard Lux long before Emily came through the door with the child limp in her arms like a rag doll. The four year old was screaming bloody murder and could be heard from four floors above. He had long since gotten used to the girl's unpredictable temper.

When Emily came through the door, he could immediately tell something was wrong – and not just because he was studying to be a profiler. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and her fingernails had been bitten down to the quick. Not to mention that she was home from work nearly three hours early.

"Emily, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

Ignoring the question, she set Lux down on the floor, temper tantrum burning itself out. "Lux's preschool called to say she was having a meltdown and they couldn't calm her down," she said in a non-answer.

"_Emily_," he tried again, "What happened?"

She still wouldn't look at him. She sniffled quietly, blinking too often. "I got fired," she whispered.

"What!?" he yelped, "Why?"

"They said they couldn't accommodate my schedule..." They both know that was code for Lux's needs were too much.

"They can't do that!" he declared, incensed on her behalf.

"Yeah...they can." This wasn't the first time this had happened. She collapsed down on the sofa and covered her face with her hands. "God, Derek, what am I going to do?" she asked, voice muffled. "I can't keep doing this..."

"I know," he said gently, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "We'll find you a new job."

"What place is going to hire me?" she scoffed. "This is the fifth place I've been fired from in the last two years!"

"That's not your fault," he insisted. "They knew when they hired you that your schedule wouldn't be easy to accommodate."

"You really think that matters?" she asked cynically.

He sighed. This wasn't the first time they'd had this argument. "Is there any chance your mother would help you out?" he asked warily.

"I'm not asking my mother to bail me out!" she said sharply.

He held his hands up in surrender, but shook his head at her stubborn refusal. "Why don't you call JJ and go out for a run together to clear your head?" he suggested.

"I should stay here – Lux is already having a bad day and..."

He cut her off, "She's sleeping." Sure enough, the child was fast asleep in the middle of the floor where Emily had left her. "I can handle a sleeping child," he said.

"But..." she protested.

"Go." He pressed her phone into her palm. "We'll be fine."

* * *

"They really fired you? Just like that?" JJ's voice got high and incredulous.

Emily sighed. "Can we not talk about this?" she groaned.

"I just don't understand it," JJ persisted, "You're smart, hard-working, you speak like six languages...you're a model employee! Who wouldn't want to hire you?"

"Everyone, apparently!" she exclaimed, getting emotional. "God, Jayje, what am I going to do? I've got a preschooler to support and no one will give me a job! I've got no experience and a degree in psychology for God's sake! What am I going to do with that?"

"Why don't you go back to the Academy?" JJ suggested. "It's what you've always wanted."

"And who's going to raise Lux when I die in the line of duty?"

JJ didn't point out that that argument seemed a little specious. Then, she was struck with an idea, "Hey! I know! That cute little bookstore next to the bakery is hiring!"

Emily just looked at her unamused for several moments. "Really, Jayje? That kitschy little place where all the hipster parents shop? Run by that obscenely cheerful woman with the obnoxiously colourful wardrobe? It's like you don't even know me."

JJ groaned. "You're being kind of judgey."

"I'm not being judgey," she argued.

"You kind of are."

"Whatever." She threw her hands up in exasperation. "My point is, she'll never hire someone like me, so why bother?"

JJ stopped suddenly, then gripped Emily's shoulders and shook her brusquely. "I get it, okay? You got dealt a shit hand. Deal with it. You've got to think about Lux right now. You need a job and the bookstore is hiring – you might not like it, but..." She shrugged.

Emily sighed, then shook her head. "You're right. You're right." She deflated a little. "I'm sorry."

JJ punched her shoulder gently, signalling all was forgiven. "Let's go get you a job."

* * *

There was a sign in the window of the bookstore advertising _HELP WANTED_, yellowed edges curling with age. Emily wondered how she'd never noticed it before now.

"Are you sure about this?" Emily whined, tugging the hem of the dress JJ had lent her lower down on her thighs.

"_Yes_," JJ said with a hint of annoyance. "She's going to love you."

"I meant about this dress," Emily corrected.

"Oh..." She brushed lint off the shoulder of the airy purple polka dotted fabric. "I know it's not _you_, but Garcia will like it."

Emily sighed dramatically, but didn't protest further.

Bells tinkled cheerfully as the two women entered the store, warm air rushing to meet them, smelling distinctly of books and coffee.

Penelope Garcia rushed up to greet them, a billowing cloud of cheerfulness in a pink cardigan. "JJ!" she squealed, wrapping the blonde in an embrace. "Who's your friend?"

"PG, this is Emily," JJ introduced, jabbing Emily in the small of her back so she would step forward.

Following the unspoken command, Emily extended her hand. "Emily Prentiss. I – umm – I saw the sign in the window. Are you still looking to hire someone?"

Garcia clapped her hands together a few times, then sized Emily up. "Favourite kids' book?" she asked..

"_Matilda_," Emily supplied easily. "But my daughter's favourite is _The Paper Bag Princess_."

"You have a daughter?"

"She's four, but she's... She's severely autistic." She braced herself for the woman's reaction, expecting judgement.

Garcia's eyes showed interest, but not judgement. "Have you read her the _Spencer Reid, Boy Detective_ series?" she asked. "The main character is autistic and..."

"She loves it!" Emily exclaimed. "I must have read it to her a thousand times."

Garcia's face was lit up like she wanted to discuss it further, but they were interrupted by a little hand tugging on Garcia's skirt. "I finished my book," the little girl said with a pout, holding up a copy of _Little House on the Prairie_.

Without thinking, Emily knelt down so she was eye-level with the girl. "That's a very good book, isn't it?" The girl nodded shyly. "Have you read _Anne of Green Gables_? I bet you'd like it." She offered her hand to the girl. "Should we go look for it?"

As Emily lead the girl to the shelf of paperbacks, Garcia turned to JJ with a smile. "She's good. I like her."

"Don't tell her I told you, but she really needs this job," JJ whispered.

"I'll give her a shot," Garcia agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

To say that Lux had been unplanned would be an understatement.

Emily loved kids – they had always been on her radar, just as something for the future...the far off future. After she had an education and a career and a _life_. Something more to give a child than love (which, ironically, was the one thing her mother had never given her).

Then, she'd met Clyde Easter.

She'd been studying abroad in London at the time, seriously considering joining the SIS when she'd attended a recruitment seminar he'd been leading. Clyde had been his suavest, most charming self and the moment he saw her, he'd had his sights set on getting her in his bed.

Emily was only too willing to play along. Afterall, he _was _charming and handsome and a spy. And she had a thing for guys with accents.

Neither of them was looking for anything serious – he could leave on assignment at any moment and she still had things to accomplish before being tied down by any kind of real relationship. What they had was light and fun and consisted mostly of lots of casual sex.

Then, after six months, he got reassigned. He couldn't tell her where he was going and she couldn't contact him. Which was fine, they'd known from the start where things were headed. They said goodbye fully expecting to never see each other again.

She'd gone back to the States to pursue a stint at the Academy as had always been the original plan. Academy, then CIA, then – with any luck – Interpol.

Instead, she'd missed her period and her whole life came crashing down with one positive test.

She was barely supporting herself, she had no idea how she'd make ends meet with an infant. She wasn't about to call her mother who would help, but with strings and guilt trips and all the demands she'd waited so long to get away from...so, she'd called Clyde. She knew she would get his voicemail and it could be years before he actually listened to it, but she had no one else to turn to.

* * *

Three hours after giving birth, Emily was alone, exhausted, and terrified.

Her baby daughter finally asleep in her arms, Emily allowed herself to cry for the first time that day – whether from an abundance of exhaustion or fear or the sheer overwhelming magnitude of being a single mother, she couldn't be sure. All she knew was that the innocent child in her arms deserved so much more than _her_...

A knock at the door startled her and she sniffled, drying her tears quickly. If there was one thing her mother had taught her, it was that showing emotion was a weakness to be exploited. "Come in," she said, voice warbling, betraying her.

The very last person she expected to see strode through the door with a bouquet of roses and a contrite look. Emily was at a loss for words – she'd left messages to inform him when she was due, not sure if he'd get them and whether he'd even care – she'd never expected him to actually show up at the hospital.

Clyde gave a smile that might have been apology, though she couldn't have said for what. He pressed a chaste kiss to the top of her head. "She's beautiful," he said softly, looking down at the infant as if he'd never seen one before.

"She's got your blonde hair and blue eyes – doesn't look a thing like me," Emily said, internally agreeing that she was, in fact, beautiful. "Do... Do you want to hold her?" she asked, unsure where he was on the fatherhood scale right now.

He seemed to take pause at the question. She extended her arms slightly in an unspoken offer. After a moment, he took the baby in hands he was working very hard to keep steady.

It was a rather odd image: Clyde Easter holding a newborn. But at the same time, she felt a warmth flooding her chest and, for a moment, she thought maybe they _could _do this. Be a family. Together.

"Have you filled in the birth certificate yet?" he asked, almost apropos of nothing.

"Not yet," she said. "I was thinking Lux, for her name... Lux Adalind Easter."

"Emily..." He sighed heavily. "You can't put my name on that birth certificate."

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but no sound would come out.

As if reading her mind, he explained, "It's for her own protection. I'll be there as much as I can, I'll support you financially, and if in the future you find someone who wants to fill that father role for her, I won't stand in the way. But officially, I can't be her father."

In the light of day, she'd blame the raging hormones thrumming through her veins, but in that moment, she could do nothing but burst into tears. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, not sure why she was apologizing.

"Oh, Em, don't cry," he urged, a little desperately. He'd never been very good with crying women. Then, the baby joined in the crying and he was even more at a loss.

"She's hungry," Emily explained with a sniffle.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, passing the baby back to her like he was handing her a death sentence.

"I think you should leave," she said, as flatly as she could manage while still hiccuping with little sobs.

If he was surprised by the demand, he didn't voice it. "If you need anything..."

"Leave, Clyde."

As the door clicked shut behind him, she was reduced to sobs once more, feeling even worse.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, JJ returned to the hospital room with dinner to find her best friend with silent tears trickling down her cheeks. "What happened?" she asked, bewildered. When she'd left, Emily had been a little anxious, but seemingly handling the transition quite well.

For a moment, Emily considered telling her the truth – about Clyde, about everything – but the words refused to form. She shook her head once, twice. "Just hormonal," she said at length, adding a hysterical little laugh for emphasis. "And overwhelmed."

JJ nodded understandingly. "You're still new at this, you'll get the hang of it. You're going to be a great mom."

"I hope so," Emily said, drying her eyes on her sleeve. "This little girl deserves _everything_."

"Have you picked a name yet?" JJ asked, changing the subject in hopes of averting further tears.

Emily smiled, tenderly stroking the baby's shock of blonde hair. "Lux," she murmured. "My little guiding light."


	3. Chapter 3

Garcia was in an absolute frenzy when Emily arrived at work and Emily hadn't had nearly enough coffee to deal with an overhyped, over-caffeinated Penelope Garcia.

"What's wrong?" she asked trepidatiously.

"Wrong?" Garcia repeated, nearly vibrating with barely contained glee, "_Wrong_? Absolutely nothing! In fact, it's wonderful!"

That's when Emily found out that an _excited _Penelope Garcia was even worse than Penelope Garcia in a crisis.

"I just got a call from A.E. Blake's agent and she's going to release her latest book _here_!" Garcia let out a shrill squeal.

"The author of the _Spencer Reid: Boy Detective _series?" Emily asked, nearly as stunned, but not nearly as high-pitched.

"The one and only! OMG, I have no idea where to even _start_ – I've never hosted anything like this..." She started hyperventilating a little.

"Relax." Emily placed her hands on Garcia's shoulders and looked into her eyes. "It's easy – we bring in some cupcakes from the bakery next door, have some big name author speak, Blake reads from the book and signs a few copies, we schmooze, and everyone goes home."

Garcia was looking at her like she was a wizard. "How do you know that?"

"My mother used to take me to fancy parties like this all the time," she said with a shrug. "Perks of being a diplomat's daughter, I guess," she added when Garcia kept staring at her in awe.

"I love you, Emily Prentiss. You're officially my go-to PR girl," she declared with a flourish.

Emily sank her teeth into her lip. "Listen... I hate to ask this on my first day, but I don't have a babysitter and if I'm going to work this event, I'll have to bring my daughter with me and..."

Garcia cut her off with a wave. "It's a _children's bookstore_, my dear. Bring the precious little tyke."

"Really?" Emily asked, stunned.

"Of course," she said, seemingly not understanding Emily's incredulity.

"You're sure? Because she can be...a handful when she has a meltdown and you can't really predict when it'll happen and I don't want her to ruin the big event."

"Listen, if Blake can't handle an autistic child at her book reading _about _an autistic child, well...then she sucks," Garcia declared firmly.

Emily laughed, a little wetly. "Penelope Garcia, you're the best."

"Oh, I know," she said with a wink.

* * *

"Luxy, are you listening to me?" Emily asked, gently combing the little girl's hair into pigtails with her fingers – she only allowed Emily to touch her hair and that day she simply wasn't having a brush anywhere near her. "Mommy has to work, okay? But I'm going to be right here with you. You can read the books, but don't leave the store, okay?"

"Don't leave the store," Lux repeated, eyes darting about the little store.

"That's right," Emily said, "Don't leave the store."

At that moment, Garcia came bustling up in a tizzy. "Oh, Emily, thank God you're here, I..." She stopped, catching sight of Lux for the first time. "Well, hello there, munchkin," she cooed.

"She's pretty shy around strangers," Emily warned gently as Lux pressed her face into Emily's leg. She'd accepted long ago that Lux was never going to be a social butterfly in the same way as other children, but her behaviours could come off as rude, especially around those who weren't familiar with autistic traits.

Garcia smiled understandingly and without further comment. "Blake's agent is here and I'm _freaking out_," she declared.

"Give me a minute?" Emily knelt down to Lux's eye level. "Mommy has to go do some work. Can you be a big girl for me and read _Paper Bag Princess _until I get back?" Lux nodded. "I love you, Firefly." She kissed the top of the girl's head.

Emily spent the next hour trying to keep one eye on her daughter while also trying not to pour wine everywhere as she refilled people's glasses. She managed mostly successfully until she was distracted by one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen.

She walked right up to Emily whose heart was hammering somewhere in her throat and introduced herself as Alex Blake and asked where she was going to be speaking from.

It took Emily a few tries to collect her thoughts before she managed to introduce herself and direct Alex towards the slowly forming circle of children eagerly awaiting a story.

Alex smiled her thanks and Emily nearly fell over, face flaming a dozen shades of red at once. She hadn't known what she was expecting from Alex Blake, phenom children's author, but it certainly wasn't _this_.

Emily watched her read, entranced by the way her hair kept falling from behind her ear, by the melodious lilt of her voice, by her easy laugh and indulgent smile. So entranced, in fact, that she nearly missed it as Lux got up from her seat in the front row and wandered up to where Alex was reading to peer over her shoulder at the book, silently mouthing the words along with her.

Alex paused to look at the little interloper. "Hello, little one," she murmured. Emily readied herself for a tantrum, but instead, Lux gave her a very faint smile. Emily was stunned – Lux only very rarely smiled in social situations and _never _at strangers.

Then, Alex asked Lux, "Do you want to help me?" Lux nodded and readily accepted a spot on Alex's lap where she could see better and read along.

When she'd finished reading, Emily rushed up, apology poised on her lips, but Alex didn't give her the chance. "She reads on her own?" she asked, impressed, as Lux pressed her face against Emily's leg in greeting.

Emily nodded. "She's precocious," she said with a shrug.

"Four years old?" Blake guessed.

Emily nodded again.

"When was she diagnosed?" Alex asked quietly then, stunning Emily with her perceptiveness.

"A year and a half ago," Emily said slowly. "How did you...?"

"I recognized the behaviour," she said, nodding at Lux who was now walking in circles around Emily on her tiptoes. "I did a lot of research for the books."

"She loves your books," Emily said, taking the conversation down a new tangent, "She loves that they're about someone like her."

"Someone like her is very special," Alex said with a smile as Lux peered owlishly at her from behind Emily's leg.

Lux silently interrupted, tugging gently on Emily's hand.

She bent down to Lux's level so the girl could whisper in her ear. "Really?" she asked.

Lux nodded insistently.

Emily turned to Alex with an awkward smile. "Lux would like to invite you to dinner. I mean, if you're not too busy. I'm sure you've got a very busy schedule and..."

"Are you sure?" Alex asked. "I wouldn't want to intrude."

Emily glanced down at Lux who stared at her imperiously. Emily shrugged. "Very, apparently."

Alex smiled down at Lux. "Well, in that case, I'd be glad to."

"Glad to," Lux repeated seriously to Emily. "Glad to."


	4. Chapter 4

With force surprising for her small frame, Lux tugged Alex through the front door and into the back bedroom that had been turned into a playroom/therapy room for her. "I'm sorry," Emily mouthed to Alex as she nearly stumbled as she was dragged along by the very determined preschooler. Alex just laughed softly and shook her head placatingly, signalling that all was forgiven.

The walls of the room were adorned with dozens and dozens of paintings clearly done by Lux, all of them scenes from various books, more than a few featuring the dragon from _Paper Bag Princess_. Lux proudly showed Alex her latest painting, a very good rendition of a basset hound. She gestured emphatically at the canvas.

"That's Baskerville, isn't it?" Alex asked. Baskerville was Spencer Reid's sidekick in the books and Lux loved the dog – so much so that she had decided that they needed a dog of their own, though Emily had yet to give in to that particular demand.

Lux nodded eagerly, waiting expectantly, blue eyes studying Alex's reaction.

"It's wonderful," Alex praised, beaming down at the girl. "Exactly how I pictured him!"

Lux thought for a moment, then picked up the canvas and pressed it into Alex's hands.

"For me?" Alex asked, surprised.

Lux nodded again, offering the smallest smile, but a smile nonetheless.

From her spot in the doorway, Emily's expression was tender. "Looks like you've got a fan..."

Alex laughed. "She's got one of her own," she said, studying the painting with a soft smile. "This is the nicest gift I've ever gotten."

Emily doubted that was true, but she appreciated the flattery on behalf of her daughter.

* * *

"She's very sensitive to bitter tastes," Emily said apologetically as she set a plate of summer salad in front of Alex and a bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of Lux. "She doesn't like spinach."

"You don't have to keep apologizing," Alex insisted. "You don't owe me an explanation."

Emily smiled sheepishly. "I'm just used to it, I guess. I get so many judgemental glares and snide comments, it's just easier to explain."

Alex nodded understandingly, if a little sadly.

"Please, eat," Emily said to fill the silence. "It's nice to cook for an adult for a change."

Alex laughed a little. "It's nice to have someone else cook for me for a change."

"I imagine you don't have much time for home-cooked meals with book tours and everything," Emily said.

Alex shrugged, but offered no explanation. "It gets lonely," she said, almost apropos of nothing. Emily nodded her agreement – she knew loneliness all too well.

After dinner, Lux insisted that Alex help tuck her into bed. She obligingly stayed through the rigid routine of pyjamas and teeth brushing and Emily's story. When Emily flicked off the light, she whispered a soft good night to the child and was surprised when she heard Lux murmur, "Night night, Alex," in return – the first words she'd heard the child utter all evening.

"Did you want to stay for a drink?" Emily asked as she shut the door behind them, faint glow of the nightlight seeping from under the door.

"I don't want to impose," Alex said, perhaps a little awkwardly.

"Please – I don't get a lot of adult conversation..." She was already pouring two glasses of wine and Alex didn't have anyone waiting at home, so she gratefully accepted. They settled into a not entirely uncomfortable silence, Emily staring into her wine glass thoughtfully, Alex surveying the portraits of Lux lining the walls, noticing a distinct lack of a father figure.

"Is there a father in the picture?" she blurted out, surprising both of them. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, to open what could be a painful wound.

"He pays child support, if that's what you mean," Emily said with a shrug. If she was bothered by Alex's case of foot in mouth, she didn't say so.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Alex murmured, cheeks pinking with embarrassment.

Emily shook her head. "Lux and I have always been fine on our own." It wasn't exactly an answer, but telling nonetheless. "At this point, it's probably easier for everyone that he doesn't come around."

"Not everyone can handle a child whose needs are different." She said it with such an intimate understanding that Emily almost asked, but the faintest note of sadness in her tone made her pause. Just as quickly, it was gone. "Does Lux bring home a lot of strays?" she asked, tone lighter now.

"You're the first, actually. She's never taken to anyone like that. I swear, sometimes she doesn't even like _me_ that much."

Alex's smile was soft, almost shy. "Well, I'm honoured."

Emily returned the smile, for a brief moment. "Sorry we took up so much of your evening. I hope we didn't spoil any plans."

"Really, it was nice to have some company. If I didn't have book signings, I might never talk to people..." Alex said with a self-deprecating little smile.

Emily looked away from the sadness that flashed across her face again. Then, before she knew what she was doing, she surged forward and kissed Alex.

Alex stiffened up, startled, and Emily heard the clatter of a wine glass shakily being set down. Then, Alex was kissing her back, soft lips parting to her silent question, tongue tasting of the wine and a sweetness all her own.

Emily twined her hand in Alex's hair, the other tracing softly along her jaw. It was soft and tender, like they fit together perfectly, like they were made for each other. She couldn't help the little whimper that came from somewhere in her chest.

The sound seemed to startle Alex out of whatever trance she'd been lost in and she pulled back suddenly, eyes wide, cheeks flushing crimson.

"I'm sorry," Emily rushed to supply, feeling like an absolute idiot. "That was inconsiderate and...stupid." She bit down on her bottom lip to stem the tide of words that threatened to pour out.

"I, umm..." Alex stammered, stiff and awkward. "I need to leave. I'm sorry."

"Alex..." Emily started, reaching out to stop her, then letting her hand drop uselessly as Alex scrambled for her coat. Anything she might've said died on her lips as the door clicked shut, leaving her standing there, feeling more alone than ever.


	5. Chapter 5

When Derek arrived home from his 'date', Emily had driven herself half mad dwelling on Alex's hasty exit and decided she was officially an idiot who couldn't read signals.

"How was the book signing?" he asked, grabbing them both a beer and plopping down on the couch next to her. "Is Blake nice?"

Emily took a greedy sip from the beer he passed her before answering to buy herself time to quell the urge to confess everything. "Good. Really good," she answered. "Blake is great."

"Then why do you look like hell?"

"Hey!" she protested, lightly slapping him in the chest.

"What?" He held up his hands in supplication. "You do..."

"I kissed her," Emily blurted out after a moment of pouting.

Derek nearly choked on his sip of beer. "What?" he spluttered.

"Not at the signing," she said, rolling her eyes. "After. Lux invited her over for dinner and when she went to bed, we had a glass of wine and one thing lead to another and somehow, I ended up kissing her."

"Wait..." he said, holding up a hand as if directing traffic. "_Lux _invited her over?"

"I'm as surprised as you are." She shrugged. "She really seemed to like her."

"Anyway, back to the kissing... What happened? Did she say anything? Did she kiss you back? Are you going to go out?" He was doing a piss poor job of trying not to seem interested – he often voiced his opinion that she needed to get laid, considering she hadn't even gone on a date since Lux was born.

"She sort of awkwardly stammered that she needed to go," Emily admitted, embarrassed.

His face fell. "You're hopeless."

"Hey!" she whined. "It wasn't my fault! I just have terrible gaydar."

He laughed a little, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and kissing her forehead. "We have got to find you a woman..."

* * *

Garcia, who had seen Emily leave with Alex, was eagerly waiting to her all about the evening. She was sorely disappointed when there were no lascivious details to report.

"You work at a children's book story," Emily pointed out, hoping to direct the conversation away from her lack of a love life, "Shouldn't you be more interested in whether she told me anything about her books?"

Garcia brightened. "Did she?"

"We didn't really talk about her books, actually."

"Don't tease me like that," Garcia said with a pout.

Emily laughed. "Really, it wasn't a very exciting evening."

"Tease," Garcia maintained.

* * *

When Emily ducked into the bakery next door on her break, ready to have the same conversation with JJ (another proponent of Emily needing to get laid), she was stunned to find Alex seated in the back with a coffee and a croissant and a stack of papers. She had a pen tucked behind her ear and a smudge of ink on her cheek.

She froze for a moment, trying to decide if it would be more awkward to acknowledge her or pretend she didn't see her. The choice was made for her when Alex caught her eye and gave a soft smile, equally unsure and awkward – adorably so.

Emily felt a rush of fondness for the other woman flood through her and hoped she wasn't blushing as she took the seat across from her. Then, she lost her nerve and her voice faltered before she could so much as say hello.

Alex continued to look at her expectantly, a small smirk playing about her lips.

Eventually, Emily shook her head and sighed. "Sorry, you were obviously working, I shouldn't have interrupted."

"Stay," Alex insisted. "I wasn't getting all that much written anyway." She took a sip from her coffee that had long-since gone cold, pulling a face at the bitterness.

"What were you not working on?" Emily asked, looking at all her scratched out notes.

"I wish I knew," Alex muttered, rifling through her fruitless pages. "I haven't written a word in weeks." Among her pages, Emily noticed Lux's painting and smiled to herself. "I'm supposed to be writing the next _Boy Detective _installment – well, technically, I'm supposed to have handed in a rough draft a month ago..."

Emily laughed. "I wish I could help, but I haven't done creative writing since sixth grade...and even then, it was in Russian. And I got a C on it."

"Tempting offer," Alex said thoughtfully, adding a wink. "I _was _thinking of expanding into the Russian market."

"You should brainstorm with Lux, though. She asked about you all morning. I swear, you must have some kind of preschooler-attracting magic powers."

Alex's cheeks pinked prettily at Emily's flattery. "I guess I'm just loveable," she said with a shrug.

"I'll say," Emily agreed, then winced at having said it out loud.

If Alex noticed, she didn't say anything, for which Emily was eternally grateful.

After a long moment of silence, though, she felt a bubble of awkwardness burst in her chest. "Listen," she sighed, "About last night..."

Alex shook her head. "It's okay," she murmured. "You don't have to..."

"No," Emily pressed, "I do. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry. I hope we can forget it ever happened."

"Was it that bad a kiss?" Alex asked and, for a moment, Emily was taken aback, until she realized she was kidding.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Oh, no, it was a _good _kiss. Your exit strategy could use a little work, though."

"Touche."

* * *

When Emily ordered her coffee and chocolate croissant to go (already ten minutes late, having lost track of time talking to Alex), JJ was grinning at her, entirely too pleased.

"Shut up," Emily hissed before she could say anything.

JJ held up her hands in surrender, but maintained her smirk. "You two looked awfully cozy..." she said slyly.

"As much as I'd love to have you pry into my love life, I'm running late."

"So, you admit it – there _is _a love life to pry into?" she pressed.

Emily scowled. "You're the worst." She snatched away her coffee before JJ could snoop further.

"Mark my words, Emily Prentiss, I will find out all your secrets," JJ vowed loudly as Emily stalked off. "If it's the last thing I do..."

Emily held up her middle finger teasingly.


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken Emily approximately three weeks of lunch time run-ins with Alex before she realized that Alex wasn't there just to write. (No one had ever accused her of being a relationship genius, afterall...)

The first clue was the coffee – after a week of meetings over coffee and croissants, Emily showed up to find a second cup of coffee waiting at Alex's table. "What's this?" Emily asked.

"Coffee," Alex said with a playful little smirk quirking up the corner of her lips.

Emily rolled her eyes, but smiled her thanks anyway. She took a sip of the coffee and found the somehow, Alex had sweetened it exactly right. She tried to hide her shy smile behind the mug.

JJ set two croissants on the table – one plain and one chocolate – and tipped Emily a wink, earning herself a glare from Emily.

The second clue was Alex's smile. Every time Emily entered the bakery, Alex's face lit up like a fireworks display. No matter how hard she tried to pretend like it was a mildly surprising coincidence that they kept meeting, Emily could've seen her smile a thousand miles away.

The third clue was that JJ _told _her Alex was coming in to see her. "She came in today looking for you and got all sad when you weren't there," JJ texted her one evening. "I told her it was your day off. Gave her your schedule. Want me to pass her a note asking if she likes you back?"

"I do _not _have a crush on her," Emily replied.

JJ texted back a Spongebob meme mocking her. Emily sent her a text of middle finger emoji.

* * *

Emily did, in fact, have an enormous crush on Alex Blake. She grinned like an idiot every time someone mentioned her and she had to physically bite her tongue on more than one occasion to keep from rambling about how fantastic she was.

"You are so smitten," Derek said one evening as she waxed poetic.

"Am not," Emily muttered, swallowing the rest of what she'd been about to say. "She's a friend."

Derek barked out a short sharp laugh. "A _friend..._" he said, drawing out the word and adding a waggle of his brows to be certain she knew exactly what he meant.

"Screw you," she said, lobbing a couch pillow at his head.

"She's the love of your life," Derek teased, making kissy noises.

"Why do people keep saying that?" she whined.

"Em, you've never talked about _anyone _this much in your entire life." She seemed about to argue the matter when he pointed out, "You literally had a kid with some guy and I don't even know his name..."

He had a point there, she had to admit. "I mean, yeah, okay..." she said with a shrug. "But I'm pretty sure she's straight, so it's a moot point."

"That you know of," he said. Then he threw the remote at her and said, "Can we watch a movie now, please?"

She gave in and turned on the TV and proceeded to spend the entire time thinking about Alex. About her smile – soft and warm and entirely unguarded. About her fingers, perpetually ink-stained and sometimes with notes scribbled on the back of her hand. About kissing her and how for the first time in her life she'd felt something like _home_ when she'd kissed her back for that briefest of moments.

* * *

They'd both (almost) given up the pretense that the meetings weren't accidental when Emily slid into her seat with a warm smile and two croissants. "I _will _convert you to chocolate one of these days," she vowed with a mischievous wink.

"You eat like an unsupervised child," Alex said with maternal disapproval, causing Emily to laugh. "Speaking of children, how's my favourite four year old?"

Emily smiled widely – Alex always asked about Lux and, even though it was a small gesture, it warmed her heart that someone else took an interest in her daughter. "She's trying to convince me to get her a dog for her birthday. She made a poster and gave me a whole presentation on therapy dogs." She shook her head in disbelief. "She's actually sort of winning me over..."

"Good for her," Alex said firmly because it would be fitting that Emily's daughter was stubborn and powerful and entirely too convincing for her own good. "Tell her she's got my vote."

"You should tell her yourself," Emily insisted, sounding almost bashful like she thought Alex would shut her down at the merest suggestion. "She's been asking about you non-stop since you came over."

"I'd love to see her again," Alex said, a little too enthusiastic for her liking. She bit down on her lip, internally cursing her over-excitement.

"Really?" Emily asked, looking surprised and almost nervous for reasons Alex couldn't quite fathom.

Alex nodded, biting down harder on her lip to keep control of the smile that wanted to come bursting out.

"Are you doing anything this Saturday night?" Emily asked, words coming out almost jumbled.

Alex felt her heart start pounding somewhere in her throat and she struggled to get words past it. "Not a thing," she said, voice warbling a little, ruining her attempt at feigning nonchalance.

If Emily seemed a little nervous and awkward over the matter, it didn't entirely displease Alex, not that she'd ever admit it. But it was nice to know she still had the ability to make someone nervous in that way.

"Would you be able to babysit Lux for me?" Emily asked with a hopeful smile.

Alex's heart dropped so fast she felt certain it had left her body entirely. That had been the very _last _thing she expected to hear. She swallowed hard around the new lump forming in her throat, internally cursing her ability to make Olympian sized jumps to conclusions.

"Literally no one besides my roommate will watch her because she doesn't like anyone and I really don't trust that many people with her anyway," Emily rambled, apparently sensing Alex's confusion. "I'll pay you, of course..."

Alex interrupted her then for fear of Emily telling her about her plans for Saturday night and she really didn't think she could handle the idea of Emily going on a date. "Emily, please. I'd love to spend time with Lux. We'll work on her dog proposal together."

Emily smiled with something like relief and Alex couldn't help but return it even though she felt like the world's biggest idiot in that moment.


	7. Chapter 7

When Alex knocked on Emily's door, she was trying hard to not look as miserable as she felt. She was thrilled to be seeing Lux again, just not as a babysitter. She supposed she only had herself to blame after quite literally running from Emily's advance...she just hadn't anticipated Emily giving up quite so quickly. And moving on, apparently.

Emily answered the door (Lux peering around her leg with excitement shining bright in her eyes) causing Alex's heart to very nearly stop. In a red dress that hugged her every curve, her hair in a low chignon with a few loose curls spilling out, and a vibrant red lipstick that stood out against her pale skin, she took Alex's breath away.

"H-Hi," Alex stammered, "You look...nice." She internally cursed her lack of eloquence in that moment, years of extensive schooling failing her. She didn't just look nice – she looked stunning, gorgeous, radiant, ethereal.

Emily blushed faintly, looked away to hide the smile playing about her lips. "Thanks," she said shyly.

Alex realized she was staring and forced herself to look away from Emily's magnetic beauty.

"Thank you so much for doing this," Emily effused, putting in a pair of earrings with unsteady hands. "It's been forever since I've had a chance to go _anywhere_."

"I'm glad to do it," Alex said. Lux had sidled up beside Alex and was studiously tracing the pattern on her sweater sleeve and she was trying not to laugh as the girl's small fingers tickled her, her fake smile slowly melting into a real one.

Emily looked fondly at the two of them for several moments, then shook herself out of her trance. "Here's a list of instructions and phone numbers and some of her major triggers. I already fed her, saving you from navigating that particular minefield, but if she wants a snack, the cupboard with the stickers on it is things she'll eat...probably. Don't worry about a bath, but she might put up a fight over brushing her teeth and whatever you do, don't try to brush her hair. Call me if you need anything – literally _anything_."

Alex laughed a little. "We'll be okay, won't we Lux?" Lux grinned up at her briefly and nodded her agreement.

Emily seemed about to question that assessment when the doorbell rang. She sighed, glanced at the door as if reconsidering going out altogether, then shook her head. "That'll be Fiona." She glanced at Lux for a long moment, then bent down to kiss the top of her head like it was the last time she'd ever see her. "I'd better get going."

Lux ran to the window and watched until Emily's car drove out of sight. Alex used that time to dwell on the identity of Fiona and how she really should've given Emily some sign that she was, in fact, interested, just...bad at it.

She didn't have long to dwell, though, because Lux started sniffling, then broke down in heart-rending wails upon realizing that Emily really had gone.

* * *

As she tucked Lux into Emily's big bed – not having wanted to argue the matter with the girl after it had taken nearly a half hour to calm her down upon Emily's departure – a gilded picture frame on the bedside table caught Alex's eye. Logically, she knew it was intruding on Emily's privacy, but her hand reached for the picture seemingly independent of her brain.

The photo was of a slightly younger Emily, smiling up at a handsome older man, the two of them standing with the London skyline in the background. There was fondness in his eyes as he looked at Emily, but – if Alex wasn't mistaken – not quite love. She wondered about the man's identity, whether he was Lux's father, whether Emily had loved him...but she knew this was invasive and she set the picture back down and tiptoed out of the room.

She settled on the couch with her notebook and a cup of tea, the crackle of Lux's breathing audible over the baby monitor, already knowing she wasn't about to get any work done, mind too busy swirling with thoughts of Emily's love life and how she'd blown her chance at a place in it.

* * *

It was well after midnight when Emily finally returned, half propped up, half dragged by Fiona; with a grunt, she hefted Emily's limp frame onto the couch beside Alex, then dropped into the adjacent armchair, exhausted.

Alex had been hoping that Fiona would be stiff and snobby and _dull_ and she was rather devastated to find that she was, in fact, quite beautiful. "Eventful night?" she asked, trying not to look too long at Fiona for fear the burn of jealousy might spill out onto her face.

"If you call getting completely shit-faced and waxing poetic about your unrequited crush an event, then yes," Fiona remarked dryly.

Alex bit her lip to quash the grin that was threatening to break free.

"I am _not_," Emily mumbled, face squashed into a pillow and making no attempt to right herself from her awkward position.

"I should go," Alex said, already feeling like she'd overstayed.

Emily jolted upright so quickly, Alex was surprised she didn't fall right off the couch. "_No_," she whined. "Stay...have a drink with us!"

Alex laughed a little. "I'm not sure a drink is the _best _idea in your condition," she advised, but was internally thrilled that she seemed so broken up over the idea of her leaving.

"_Stay_," Fiona insisted, grinning almost smugly. "Have a drink, _Alex_."

So, she conceded, considering that Emily had already stumbled off to the kitchen to find them something to drink, returning with a bottle of liquor that had _PROPERTY OF DEREK MORGAN DO NOT DRINK _scrawled across it in bold letters.

"Was she good?" Emily asked, sloppily pouring three tumblers of amber liquid. Her skirt was riding up her thigh as she situated herself on the couch and Alex had to try very hard not to stare.

"Very," she said, taking a small sip that burned all the way down her throat.

Emily smiled dreamily at that, then downed a large swallow of her drink.

"So, Alex..." Fiona said, eyes burning a hole into her. "Tell me about yourself."

"Not much to tell," she said, shrugging, studiously trying to avoid catching her gaze.. She had no idea why Fiona seemed so fascinated by her.

"Where are you from?" she prompted, her lips quirked in a smile. Alex was trying hard not to wonder whether Emily had been kissing those lips earlier.

"Kansas City," she answered. Fiona was still staring at her, as if waiting for her to continue. "I moved out here to write."

Fiona's eyes shone with barely concealed fun. "Emily mentioned that. Actually, she told me rather a lot about you..." Before she could continue, Emily lobbed a pillow at her, making her drink slosh on her dress. "Hey!" she cried.

Alex took the opportunity to drain her drink. "I should get going," she said again.

"But...money..." Emily slurred.

Alex shrugged. "Don't worry about it." Because accepting money for babysitting made her feel like a fourteen year old.

Nonetheless, Emily followed her to the door, albeit a little wobbly. She reached out to stroke a lock of Alex's hair behind her ear as she dug out her keys and Alex almost – _almost –_ thought she was flirting.

"Fiona seems nice," Alex said, feeling heat flush up her chest. "I can see why you'd fall for someone like her. You make a really good couple."

Emily blinked at her a few times, then shook her head like Alex was particularly foolish. Then, for the second time, Emily's lips were on hers and Alex couldn't breathe. It was quite a bit sloppier than the last time and she smelled heavily of alcohol, but Alex couldn't have cared less in that moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Emily woke up with the biggest headache of her life and Lux peering at her an inch away from her face, scaring the crap out of her. "Luxy, go back to sleep, Mommy has a headache," she groaned, rubbing her temples and regretting letting Fiona talk her into drinking something called the Green Fairy.

"Sick?" Lux asked.

"Yeah, Mommy's sick," she said, nodding, then immediately regretting the movement. She closed her eyes against the sunlight streaming in through the window and silently vowed off alcohol of every kind for at least a month.

"Mama kiss?" Lux asked curiously.

"Come closer and Mommy will kiss you," she murmured, appreciating the rare affectionate moment even in her hungover state.

Lux shook her head. "Mama _kiss_..."

Emily screwed up her face in concentration, memories of the night before all jumbled up, but the more she thought about it, the more she _did _remember kissing Alex. Again. She groaned and pulled the blankets up over her head, utterly mortified.

Lux burrowed under the covers with her. "Mama kiss _Alex_," she repeated quizzically.

"Yeah, Mama kiss Alex," she agreed, hoping she hadn't ruined their budding friendship with one bold drunken move.

* * *

Emily spent at least twenty minutes typing out a text to Alex, then deleting it and retyping it, before giving up entirely. She had no idea what to say – she couldn't bring herself to apologize because she didn't regret it. The only thing she regretted was that Alex didn't feel the same way.

Eventually, she decided that she needed to say these things in person, to look Alex in the eye and tell her the truth, letting the chips fall where they may. If she was nervous as hell about it, well, she couldn't exactly be blamed for that.

In fact, by the time she arrived on Alex's doorstep, she was almost vibrating with nervous energy. It took her three tries before she could bring herself to knock and when she did, she almost turned around and ran.

Alex answered the door in leggings and a loose sweater that slipped off her shoulder, exposing her collar bones (Emily had always had a weakness for collar bones...), her hair falling out of a messy bun held together with a pen. She looked stunning.

It took Emily several moments to form words, mouth hanging open dumbly.

Seeming to take pity on her, Alex asked, "Did you want to come inside for coffee?" Emily smiled gratefully in acceptance. Once they were seated in her living room with their coffees, Alex prompted, "So, to what do I owe the honour of your visit?"

Emily exhaled slowly, steeling herself for the awkward conversation. "It has come to my attention that I may have sort of drunkenly kissed you last night..." She felt her cheeks heating up with embarrassment. "And I'm here to apologize. You made it clear that you're not interested and I'm sorry for not respecting that in my drunken stupor. If you don't want to be friends any longer, I understand."

For a moment, Alex blinked at her in surprise. "What..." she stammered, "What makes you think I'm not interested?"

It was Emily's turn to be surprised and a little confused. "I – umm... I figured after you kind of ran away the first time..." She shrugged helplessly. "It's okay. I understand."

Alex shook her head. "It's not that I'm not interested, it's just... I'm not very good at _this_. I haven't been on anything resembling a date in so long... I guess I just got scared."

Emily gave a soft understanding smile. "I haven't dated anyone since Lux was born. But I really like you – I want to give us a try."

Alex sank her teeth into her bottom lip. "I don't exactly have a great track record," she admitted shyly. Emily was looking at her with such love in her eyes that she almost broke down then and there. "There's something you should know," she whispered.

Emily reached over to take Alex's hands in hers, smiling encouragingly.

Alex's tongue flicked out over her top lip, eyes lifting to the ceiling. "I used to be married," she admitted, voice breaking. "We got married barely out of high school – I'm not sure I even truly loved him or if I was just doing what was expected... Three years later, I got pregnant. It wasn't planned, but I loved my son more than anything. When he was a year old, I realized something wasn't right – they diagnosed him with a rare neurological disorder and..." She sighed, blinked back tears. "And when he was nine, he... He..."

Emily squeezed her hand tighter. "You don't have to," she whispered.

"No, I do," she insisted gently. "I haven't told anyone, but I want to tell you." She sniffled softly, wiped away an errant tear. "He was ready to go, but I wasn't ready to let him." She shut her eyes for a long moment, more tears leaking out, clinging to her lashes, so that all Emily wanted to do was dry them and make everything better. "After Ethan was diagnosed, my husband stuck around for about a year, but I could see he was drifting away. I knew he wouldn't stay. By his third birthday, I was a single mom."

"Alex..." Emily rasped, breath catching on the lump in her throat.

"That's why I haven't had a relationship with anyone else. I'm, I don't know, damaged. I'm not sure I can let myself trust anyone, _love _anyone." She smiled apologetically.

"Okay," Emily said, nodding slowly. "Okay. Well...we can still be friends, at least, right?" She tried not to let it show that if she said no, it would break her.

"Of course!" It was almost desperate, as if she was afraid that yet another person would leave her.

Emily's smile hurt, but she held onto it for Alex's sake because being her friend was better than nothing at all. Being her friend was enough, she told herself. "I'll see you for coffee tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," Alex vowed.


	9. Chapter 9

Being friends was not enough.

Emily realized that quite quickly. She and Lux had taken to spending quite a bit of time with Alex and part of Emily felt that maybe things would be easier if Lux didn't like her quite so much. (She knew that was only kidding herself, though, because she liked Alex more than she'd liked anyone in a really really long time.)

It didn't help that seemingly everyone around her knew of her burning crush, making it their business to pry at every opportunity. When she relayed a carefully edited version of events, everyone gave her that same look, eyes full of pity, the consoling smile, until all she wanted to do was scream.

None of them seemed to understand how she could continue to be Alex's friend knowing that's all it could ever be, why she didn't just move on. They didn't understand that she _couldn't_ – that Alex was _everything _to her and no matter how painful it was, being_ someone_ in her life was better than being no one at all.

* * *

As much as she tried not to think about Emily, it seemed like she was all Alex could think about lately, no matter how many times she told herself she was off limits. She knew in her mind that it was for the best, but her heart was traitorous.

She was at the grocery store one day, determinedly _not _thinking about Emily, when she ran into Fiona – possibly the worst person to cross paths with because she knew far too much for Alex's liking. Her first instinct was to duck her head and run the other way, hoping Fiona hadn't spotted her, but she didn't get the chance before Fiona was grinning at her, entirely too smug.

"What a fun surprise," she chirped and Alex already knew that this conversation would end in embarrassment. Fiona cocked her head, studying Alex curiously like she was a puzzle missing a few crucial pieces. "I'm trying to figure you out, Alex Blake..." she said slowly.

"We're just friends," Alex said immediately, even though she hadn't mentioned Emily as if hoping to reroute the conversation before it started. Her knee-jerk reaction only made Fiona's expression more smug.

Alex silently cursed her ability to stick her foot in her mouth without provocation. It seemed like the harder she insisted they were only friends, the less she believed it.

"Is that really what you want?" Fiona asked, looking almost disappointed in her. Apparently, Alex wasn't fooling her either.

"We agreed it's the best thing for everyone," she maintained, in spite of the little voice inside screaming _no_. Afterall, it's what she'd wanted, right? So, why did the words feel like thorns falling from her tongue? She forced a smile.

Fiona gave an unladylike snort. "Is it really what's best?" she asked, "Or is it what's easy?"

"What?" Alex said on an exhale, the words hitting her like a blow to the chest, knocking all the air from her lungs.

"She kissed you, right?" she continued as if she hadn't heard. "She doesn't kiss just anyone – she's let herself fall too easily before and she's been burned because of it. If she kissed you, it's because she thinks you're different..."

Alex felt tears burning at the back of her eyes, in spite of her best efforts to keep her emotions in check. "I don't..." she stammered, "I can't... I can't talk about this." She shook her head, willing herself not to cry because the truth was that she _did _want more, she just couldn't have it.

Fiona looked at her like she understood exactly what she was thinking, but graciously didn't comment. "Just be careful with Emily. She's special. She's...fragile. She doesn't trust easily. Don't...don't break her."

"I have to go," Alex rasped, her carefully built wall of self-control crumbling all too easily. "I'm sorry."

* * *

Fiona's words still burnt into her mind, Alex showed up on Emily's doorstep for their weekly movie night feeling torn. Fiona was right about a lot of things, but the fact remained that Alex could only ever hurt Emily...and she had no desire to be the one that caused her to lose her ability to trust freely, to love freely.

It took Emily longer than usual to answer the door and when she finally did, she looked harried and more than a little exhausted. Her hair was mussed a little too much to be intentional and she'd obviously been biting her nails again. Seeing Alex, her eyes widened and she muttered, "Shit! I'm so sorry, I totally forgot."

"Is this a bad time?" Alex asked, feeling guilty, though she wasn't sure why. "I can come another day..."

"No!" Emily insisted, "Lux is very excited to see you and..."

Then, Alex heard a voice from inside and something about it made Alex's entire being tremble with the fear of a scolded child. "Emily, who's there?" the voice asked. A woman startlingly like Emily in appearance, but lacking her warmth came into view. Everything about her, from the lines in her face to her pantsuit, was crisp and stark and formal.

Emily sighed wearily. "Alex, meet Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss. Mother, meet Alex Blake." She turned back to her mother. "If you just wait in the study, I'll be with you in a minute and..."

Elizabeth ignored her completely. "Alex Blake," she said silkily over the end of Emily's sentence. "The author, I presume?" Alex nodded, silently wondering why the word _author _was said like an epithet. "Emily's failed to mention you," she continued, "I can't imagine why." She offered Alex a hand to shake.

Alex took it with more than a little trepidation, feeling distinctly like she was being judged inferior, though she couldn't imagine why. Elizabeth's grip on her hand was cold and a little too tight to be comfortable, silently establishing dominance.

"Alex, Lux is in the living room," Emily said, giving Alex an escape, for which she was grateful. "She's been eagerly awaiting tonight all week – she picked the movie out special, but she won't tell me what it is." The two of them shared a smile until Elizabeth cleared her throat, breaking the spell.

As Alex slipped past into the living room, she heard Elizabeth say in a stage whisper she was clearly meant to hear, "She's not the type you usually go for, but you could do better. Authors are terribly dull, dear. I have some wonderful young men I could set you up with." For a moment, Alex felt a blast of uncharacteristic anger course through her, but she really had no desire to piss off Emily's mother more than she already had, apparently.

She found Lux determinedly sketching a St. Bernard she'd paused the TV on; her little tongue was peeking out from between her teeth, her brow furrowed adorably in concentration. For a moment, Alex stood back, watching the scene, heart clenching with _want_ and knowing it was something she couldn't have. "Hello, Étoile," she greeted the girl, signing along – she had started teaching Emily and Lux sign language to better communicate when the girl was nonverbal.

Lux gestured proudly at her drawing in greeting.

"Beautiful drawing," she praised, sitting beside her to better admire the sketch.

Lux peered past her, then, at the sound of raised voices in the hall. "Nana?" she asked, eyes shining with concern.

"Your grandmother is here," Alex agreed. "She makes Mama sad, doesn't she?" Lux nodded. "We should cheer her up, shouldn't we?" She nodded again, eagerly. "How about pizza?"

Lux's smile lit up her face and she clapped her hands a few times.

Alex brought a finger to her lips. "Shh, it's a surprise."

"Shh!" Lux said, mirroring her, blue eyes twinkling.

"Can you keep a secret?" Alex asked her. Lux nodded proudly. "I think I'm starting to fall in love with your Mama..." she whispered conspiratorially.

Lux considered that for a moment. "Mama kiss?"

Alex laughed. "Yes, she did."

Lux grinned at her like she knew far more about the inner workings of the heart than her age would suggest.


	10. Chapter 10

Lux was getting impatient (and hungry) by the time Emily returned to the living room – thankfully alone this time. She looked like she'd been through the wringer, eyes red and puffy, though she was obviously trying to hide the fact that she'd been crying, so Alex pretended not to notice. Lux ran over to press her face against Emily's leg in what Alex assumed was comfort.

"Thank you, Firefly," Emily whispered.

"Pizza," Lux informed her seriously.

Alex shook her head, smiling fondly. "It was supposed to be a surprise," she said in self-defense.

Emily laughed. "Well, it's a very nice surprise. Thank you, Luxy," she said with a wink to Alex.

Lux looked up, a thought suddenly occurring to her. "Cheese?"

"Yes, I ordered just cheese for my special little Étoile," Alex assured her.

The doorbell rang, then, and Lux scurried off to answer the door. "Thank you," Emily whispered to Alex, not sure whether she was thanking her for the pizza or looking after Lux or for everything and nothing.

Alex, for her part, understood her lack of words perfectly.

* * *

As Lux plowed through her third slice of pizza, she asked – mouth full – "Nana?"

"Nana just came to see us and make sure we're okay," she said, the words sounding rehearsed and a little pained. Lux gave her a skeptical look and Emily understood completely. "I know," she said apologetically. "She didn't spend much time with you...she just doesn't know how to deal with how unique you are."

Alex suspected Elizabeth Prentiss didn't know how to deal with anyone who didn't fit inside a very rigid box. Lux, though, seemed content with that answer and turned on the TV to her very special movie selection, chosen especially for Alex.

As it started, the words _All Dogs Go to Heaven_lighting up the screen, Emily groaned. "Not again..."

"Again!" Lux shouted. Then, for good measure, she barked fiercely at her mother.

Shaking her head, Emily turned to Alex and whispered an apology, "This is her favourite movie, but it's a secret...she hasn't even let Derek watch it and she loves him."

"I'm honoured," Alex said, settling on the floor next to Emily with Lux nestled between them. As riveting as the movie was, though, Alex found herself much more riveted by Emily and the way the light from the TV lit up the planes of her face, the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, the way her one dimple appeared when she smiled.

Apparently noticing her staring, Emily turned to her with that infectious smile and said, "The movie is much more interesting."

"Matter of opinion," Alex replied, not caring if she was smiling a little too softly for _'just friends'_.

By the end of the film (during which Alex had cried more than once), Lux was fast asleep on Emily's lap; she didn't even stir as she was lifted into Emily's arms.

When Alex moved to stand, Emily turned in the doorway and plead, "Please don't leave."

Of course, being so far gone, Alex wasn't about to deny her anything, so she waited.

When Emily returned, she seemed to be in a daze, flopping to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest like a very small child, like she'd been holding herself together so tightly for Lux's sake that it was all she could do not to fall apart completely. For a moment, Alex was frozen, unsure what to do next, but the look on Emily's face was like a knife to her heart. She settled next to her and, without words, reached over to clasp her hand in a silent show of support, ready to sit there in silence all night if that's what she needed.

"I love her, you know," Emily said into the silence and it took Alex a moment to decipher that she meant her mother.

"I think that's normal," she said, though it felt a little hollow in her mind since she'd actually been quite close to her own mother. "Want to talk about it?"

For a moment, Emily chewed her lip, considering, but eventually nodded. She told Alex of her father who had been her whole world until the age of five when he'd left without saying goodbye. Of her mother who'd never once told her she loved her, who'd barely paid her attention unless it was convenient, who'd disapproved of every choice she ever made and never shied away from telling her so. "She always wanted me to follow in her footsteps and become a politician. She was mortified when I told her I wanted to join the Academy." She snorted. "Not that I cared."

Alex laughed softly at that, at the image of a defiant and rebellious young Emily and, for a brief moment, Emily caught her eye and smiled, just a little.

"We stopped talking after that and I went to London to study, considering joining the SIS, and that's where..." She faltered. "That's where I met..."

"You don't have to tell me," Alex said gently, squeezing her hand tighter.

Emily shrugged as if the matter were out of her hands. "I met Clyde – he was the SIS agent running the recruitment seminar – and for whatever reason, it was lust at first sight. It was never as strong as love, but it was good. For awhile...until he got reassigned and I found out I was pregnant."

Hesitantly, Alex wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders, drawing her into her chest. Briefly, Emily stiffened, then slowly relaxed into her embrace.

"Somehow, Mother got word and though I didn't ask, she supported me financially through my pregnancy. When Lux was diagnosed, though, she seemed to think I was making it up somehow – like her autism wasn't _real –_ and she stopped supporting me." She sighed, sank even further into Alex's arms. "I had to fight tooth and nail to give her everything she needs – every therapist, every doctor, every appointment. She's worth every bit of it, but sometimes..."

As she trailed off, Alex sensed the tremulous state of her emotions – in the shudder of her breathing, in the slump of her body, in the slowly growing damp patch on her shoulder left by her tears. "You're amazing," she whispered.

Emily's lips quirked up. "Thanks, I think," she said, a little shakily.

"I mean it," she insisted, "It takes incredible strength to do what you've done, all on your own."

Emily's smile was shy, then, and for a moment, the two of them sat in companionable silence. Emily's breath tickled Alex's neck, her lips so close to her skin that if either of them shifted but a little, she'd be pressing a kiss there.

"Listen," Alex said slowly, softly. "I know what I said about not wanting a relationship...but I'd really like to kiss you. Though, I'll understand if you..."

And because she was nothing if not a glutton for punishment, Emily gave in without a fight, leaning in to accept the offered kiss, Alex's lips more addictive than any vice she knew.

"You're coming to Lux's birthday party, right?" Emily asked when they broke apart, the thought seemingly just occurring to her, though the meaning behind it was clearly playing at _seriousness_.

And because Alex also could not deny a request from Emily, she nodded readily, though she was uncertain of what it meant for them and the will they/won't they dance they'd been doing around the matter of couplehood.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Are there any Criminal Minds authors who would be interested in co-writing a fic? I've got an idea, but I think it will work best with at least one other writer...preferably one who likes to write for other characters than I do. Please message me if you're interested**

* * *

It didn't occur to Emily until much later that inviting Alex to Lux's party might imply a certain familiarity. Granted, most of her friends knew all about her little crush, but she wasn't sure Alex wanted anyone knowing about her _inclinations_, whether it would impact her public image...

Afterall, Emily knew she'd faced a great deal of backlash for writing a children's book with an autistic character and had dealt with a significant struggle to get it published in the first place. She could only imagine news of her dating a woman adding fuel to the fire that was boycotts by conservative groups and anti-vaxxers.

In fact, she'd considered calling her and uninviting her, but she just couldn't bring herself to do that (for Lux's sake, she kept telling herself). If Alex was willing to take the risk, she certainly wasn't about to stop her.

Emily was in the middle of decorating the apartment for Lux's party when there was a knock at the door. Guests weren't due to arrive for another two hours, so she had no idea who it might be. Part of her hoped it was Alex – early, but definitely welcomed.

It was not Alex.

It was a man in an almost professorial sport coat who looked like he'd once been human but had long since forgotten what that was like.

"Can I help you?" Emily asked slowly.

"I'm Jason Gideon – Alex Blake's agent."

"Okay...?" she said, confused.

"I've been informed that you and her are being seen publicly together," he said seriously, expression grim behind his dark sunglasses.

"Informed?" she repeated skeptically. "By whom?"

"A concerned party." Emily had a sneaking suspicion that meant her mother. "I've worked very hard to get her to where she is – I won't let you ruin that with your proclivities."

"Excuse me?" she spluttered. "Did you really just say that to me?"

"I've only just convinced her to step into the limelight after years of being reclusive and I won't have this little dalliance ruin what will be a very lucrative time for her," he continued.

"For _you_," Emily countered. She refused to take the bait, though, to debate the finer points of her relationship with this man.

"Regardless," he said as if she hadn't spoken. "If you care about what's best for her, you'll end this before it goes any further."

With that, he turned to leave. "Hey!" Emily shouted after him, "You can't just..." But apparently, the conversation was over in his mind as he gave no sign he'd even heard her as he climbed back into his car and drove off.

Shaken, Emily returned inside to finish with the decorations, but found herself unable to concentrate, mind racing. Was he right? Was Alex better off before she'd come crashing into her life?

She was internally debating it when another knock came at the door. "Come in," she called, tangled up in streamers and wobbling on the top of the ladder. She prayed it was JJ – she would be able to stop her quickly spiralling thoughts with her voice of reason.

This time, though, it _was _Alex.

"Oh, hey..." Emily said shakily.

"Sorry, I'm a little early," Alex said, apparently mistaking the cause of her nervousness.

"No, no, that's fine – I could use a hand anyway," Emily said, attempting to muster a smile. "Do you think you could blow up some balloons?"

"Where's Lux?" Alex asked, settling down at the table where there were about a thousand balloons spilling out, waiting to be inflated.

"Derek took her to the aquarium while I set up – I wanted to surprise her." She was silent for a moment, considering whether to tell Alex about her earlier encounter and eventually deciding not to.

After a few minutes, though, it seemed her mouth had other ideas as the words came spilling out in spite of herself. "Your agent came by..." she blurted out.

"Gideon?" Alex said, brows leaping up her forehead in surprise. "What for?"

"He, umm... He wanted me to stop seeing you," she said, stumbling over her words. Alex stared at her in silence for a long moment as if expecting her to say she was joking. "He implied that dating a woman would ruin your success," Emily added.

Alex laughed a little. "Well, he has always been a bit _traditional_..."

Emily snorted, rolling her eyes. "More than a little, I think," she scoffed, but held back the barbs on her tongue about exactly how traditional he was, lest she offend her. They fell back into silence. "He did get me thinking, though," she said slowly.

"About what?" Alex asked, just as slowly, almost warily, as if she knew what was coming.

"He might be right," she admitted. "You are a children's author, afterall."

"Meaning what?"

"I wouldn't want to hurt your career – I know these books are a tribute to your son and they mean so much to children like Lux. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were the reason your career ended."

"What... What are you saying?" Alex stuttered, feeling tears building behind her eyes.

"I don't know if I can do this, as much as I might want to..." She choked a little on her words in spite of herself. "Whatever _this _is, I think it's best if we end it now."

Alex opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn't form the words. She shook her head, blinking too fast.

"And..." She faltered. "And it's probably best if you don't come around to see Lux either."

Alex bit down on her lip hard to keep from crying. "If you think that's best," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," Emily rasped, guilt welling.

Alex nodded, a few tears slipping out. Through misty eyes, she stumbled on her way to grab her coat, then stopped at the door. "I wish things could have been different," she said without looking at Emily.

Anything she might've said in reply was lost as Lux came sprinting through the door, nearly crashing into Alex. She gave a little squeak of surprise as she stumbled back a step, then smiled her little smile that seemed reserved for Alex. Then, in a first, she pressed her face against Alex's leg in greeting.

Alex choked on a sob. She knelt down to Lux's level and smiled sadly. Lux pressed a palm to her cheek. "I'm sorry, Étoile, but I have to go."

"Go?" Lux repeated.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "Happy birthday." Then, she turned and fled before she broke down entirely.

"Alex?" Lux said, lip wobbling. "Alex?" Then, without warning, she started wailing. "Alex! Alex!" It was all Derek could do to hold her back from running after her.


	12. Chapter 12

When Emily returned to the living room after putting Lux to bed, Derek and JJ were both waiting expectantly and she very nearly considered turning and running rather than face whatever conversation awaited her. Instead, she heaved a sigh and flopped down on the couch, waiting for them to speak.

"So..." Derek said slowly, "Do you want to tell me what happened that catapulted Lux into such a fit?"

After Alex's departure, Lux had been absolutely inconsolable – she'd dissolved into a meltdown and gone nonverbal for nearly an hour. By the time the party started, she was in a bitterly bad mood and sulked through the celebration, shooting glares at Emily.

Emily tried not to take it personally, but it was difficult when she refused to even say goodnight. She'd only done what she'd thought best for everyone...so why, then, did it hurt so badly?

"I broke up with Alex," she confessed, refusing to meet either of their gazes.

"So, you _were _dating!" JJ exclaimed. Emily and Derek both glared at her. "Nevermind," she said, shrinking back. "What happened? I thought things were going well..."

"They were! But then her agent showed up and he got in my head!" she whined.

"You broke up with her because some guy told you to?" Derek asked skeptically.

"More like...firmly suggested?" she said, chagrined. "I thought it was better for her career."

"Don't you think you should have let her make that decision?" JJ gently prodded.

"Maybe," she admitted. As they both continued to stare at her, she started to feel defensive. "It was never going to work anyway...there was just too much baggage between us. I'm just saving us from the eventual heartache."

"Are you?" JJ pressed, "Because you seem pretty heartbroken to me." Derek nodded his agreement.

"I'm fine," Emily insisted. Then, louder, more insistent, "I'm _fine_!" No one believed that – not even her. "There's nothing I can do now... If she had feelings for me before, I doubt she does anymore, after I stomped all over her heart."

"Listen," Derek said, "I know the female mind." JJ snorted and he shot her a glare. "The first thing you've gotta do is go to her and admit you're an ass."

"I'm not going to say that."

"Which of us has gotten laid more recently?" he asked pointedly. "Then, we're going with my plan," he continued when she said nothing. "Tell her you're a screw up and you don't deserve another chance, but you hope she'll give you one anyway."

"And what if she won't listen to me?" she asked.

"Then you come to my place and we drown your sorrows in liquor and ice cream," JJ said, patting her knee consolingly.

* * *

If there was one thing Emily Prentiss was not good at, it was admitting she was wrong. Perhaps because growing up, she'd been taught that it meant admitting weakness, admitting failure. There were only a handful of people she'd do that for.

Perhaps it meant she loved Alex harder than those that came before her that she was standing on her doorstep ready to bleed for her if that's what it took.

Though, to be honest, she wouldn't have blamed Alex if she slammed the door in her face...she just prayed she wouldn't.

When Alex answered the door, she stared at Emily in brittle silence for several moments before her face hardened. "I'd thought you'd said all there was to be said on the matter, but it appears you've come to rub salt in my wounds," she said coldly.

"_No_, I'm here to say..." She paused, sighed, steeled herself. "I'm here to tell you I'm an ass."

Alex scoffed in what Emily assumed was agreement. "Yes, well, I already knew that."

"I deserved that," she admitted, "And anything else you have to say. I jumped to conclusions and made decisions without thinking and... I just really screwed up. You deserve better than that."

Alex's eyes were softening, but Emily had too much to say to let herself be forgiven just yet.

"Here's the thing... I got scared. Which isn't a good excuse, but it's true. It kind of hit me that you come with this big image – that I'd have to share you with the rest of the world and they expect you to be all these things I'm not."

"Emily, no one is asking you to be something you're not," Alex said, "All I wanted was _you_..."

"And I wanted you. I wanted to _deserve _you, but look where that got us," she said pointedly.

"Emily..." Alex tried to interrupt.

"I don't think you understand," Emily pressed, "I _wanted _you – probably more than I've ever wanted anyone. And that frightened me, so I tried to push you away and I guess I let Gideon's words give me the excuse. Hence, the ass thing..."

"I honestly don't care what Gideon thinks," Alex said firmly. "There will be other agents, but I haven't felt this way about anyone – even my husband."

Emily took that to be an invitation and surged forward to kiss her with all the pent up confusing emotions crammed in her chest like a bottle with too much carbonation. She tried to memorize every moment of it, every detail of how her lips tasted and felt, certain that sooner or later she'd screw things up again somehow.

Alex's hands were in her hair then, possessive, pulling her into the apartment and Emily half stumbled in after her, not sure what kind of miracle had given her this moment, but holding onto it with everything she had.

Somehow, they made their way to the couch and Emily was straddling her lap, hips bumping up against hers. Her fingers grasped for purchase in Alex's silk blouse, but it slid through her fingers like water. "Can I?" she asked, voice gravelly with arousal.

Alex hummed a note that she took to mean affirmation and Emily set to work on her buttons with trembling fingers before giving up and tearing it open, causing Alex to gasp into the kiss.

Then, Emily's hand was ghosting across the lace of her bra and Alex bucked her hips at the sensation of warm palm against her nipple. Her lips were against Emily's neck, tongue laving over hot skin and she was on the verge of sinking her teeth in when Emily's phone rang.

Emily let out a colourful string of expletives as she dug it out of her back pocket. "It's Derek," she said with a pout that was entirely too adorable for Alex's liking. "I left him with Lux, so I probably shouldn't ignore it...much as I might want to."

"I'll expect you to make it up to me," Alex said with a mischievous grin. "I wasn't nearly finished with you yet."

Emily's return smile was lascivious and entirely too cocky. Alex had the sudden realization that she might be in over her head.


	13. Chapter 13

"Go on, Luxy," Emily gently encouraged, "Pick out one you like."

Lux grinned at her, showing off the gap where she'd recently lost her first tooth.

Alex laughed softly as Lux ran to the nearest cage and started barking at its occupant. "So, you've finally given in?" she said, brow quirked, smile playing about her lips.

"Call it misplaced guilt over ruining her birthday," Emily said with a shrug.

Alex scoffed. "You're such a soft-touch," she muttered. "You were always going to get her that dog."

"Perhaps." She was trying hard not to smile.

"Don't worry," Alex said, "I'm rather fond of that side of you."

"You're fond of every side of me," Emily said pointedly.

"Touche." She pressed a kiss to her cheek. "So, you're sure about this dog plan?"

"Technically, it's going to be Derek's dog. But Lux doesn't have to know that." She winked. "He just made me promise not to come back with a toy poodle or something like that."

Alex just shook her head and laughed, her arm wrapping around Emily's waist as they watched Lux attempt to make up her mind and it felt distinctly like _family_.

Emily leaned her head on Alex's shoulder. "You should come over for Thanksgiving," she said, almost apropos of nothing.

"Thanksgiving?" Alex repeated dumbly.

"I mean, if you want to," she backpedalled. "We don't do anything fancy – we usually just order pizza and watch every Disney movie we own. And we have wine – _lots _of wine. It's not much, but it's tradition." She shrugged.

"I'd love to come," she murmured, leaning in to kiss her. And Emily kissed her back, all the while thinking that something as good as this couldn't possibly last forever...not for her.

Just then, Lux came racing up, glee lighting up her face. She took hold of one of each of their hands, dragging them to her chosen friend: a dalmatian named Clooney.

* * *

Emily's wait for the other shoe to drop didn't last very long.

She showed up to work one day to find Garcia waiting for her, looking like the cat that got the cream.

"Do I want to ask?" Emily asked, already knowing she shouldn't.

"You're famous..." she sing-songed. She turned her laptop so Emily could see the screen which showed a picture of Emily and Alex kissing outside the animal shelter. _Popular Children's Author Caught in Lesbian Lip-Lock_ declared the article.

"Shit," Emily muttered, "Shit, shit, _shit_! This can't be happening..." She ran her fingers through her hair. "This will scare her off me for good. I'm going to be single forever," she moaned. Garcia was staring at her like she'd burst if she was quiet a single second longer. "What?" she groaned.

Garcia let out a long squeal. "OMG, you saucy little minx!" She lightly punched her in the shoulder. "How long have you been sneaking around with our author friend? Are you in love? Is she a good kisser?"

"Garcia!" Emily gasped, scandalized. She was saved from having to respond, though, when her phone rang. "Alex!" she answered desperately. "Are you okay?"

"_No_!" she choked out. "This is exactly why I've avoided the spotlight for so long. I wanted it to be about my writing, my message, about the children I write for and instead, my legacy will be..._this_. This editorialized version of events that shouldn't even be newsworthy!" she huffed.

"What if it doesn't have to be?" Emily said, an idea dawning on her.

"What are you thinking?" Alex asked.

"Take control of the narrative..."

* * *

**The Inside Scoop: A.E. Blake dishes on life, writing, and her new romance**

By Ashley Seaver

_A.E. Blake has always been an enigma of the children's literature world – in spite of the fame of the 'Spencer Reid' series, she's been loathe to take to the spotlight. Her well-deserved acclaim comes from the fact that she has proven that an autistic character can capture children's interest and imagination in a time when autism is rarely the subject of any literature, let alone a picture book._

_Blake is modest, however. "Autistic children exist," she says, "They deserve to see themselves not only in their literature, but as the heroes of it." She pauses, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I've been lucky to have publishers and an agent who have supported that belief."_

_She seems humbled by the stories of young girls and boys – and their parents – who have been reached by her stories. "I've spoken to many parents in tears because their children have seen themselves in Spencer and been inspired by him, realizing that they're capable of so much more than society would have them believe. It's stories like that which keep me going when I'm revising at three in the morning with a deadline looming."_

_Does she relate to Spencer? She nods immediately. "I, myself, am not autistic, but I think we can all relate to feeling alone in a world we don't understand. Autistic children speak a different language and I believe that if we all learned to understand it, we'd find these children are much more intelligent and able than we think."_

_I ask about the latest book in the series. "I'm doing revisions on book eight at the moment," she tells me. This book will introduce a new character. I ask who it is. "I can't say," she says with an enigmatic smile._

_And of the recent photos? Blake is tight-lipped. "I am currently very happy with a woman," she says. "That's all I'm saying." One wonders about the amazing creature who has caught this woman's eye...and whether she's Emily Prentiss, daughter of politician Elizabeth Prentiss, as many on the internet have theorized. Regardless of her identity, Blake can't seem to stop herself from smiling when she's brought up._

_Like everyone else, I'll be waiting avidly for the next book in the series and hoping that things turn out for Spencer Reid the way they seem to be turning out for Blake – that is to say, happily ever after._

* * *

"You're an evil genius," Alex called from the en suite where she was changing into a pair of borrowed pyjamas.

"I prefer just genius," Emily called back.

Alex emerged from the bathroom, tugging Emily's Yale shirt lower, but it stubbornly resisted her attempts to not have it expose a sliver of her stomach as it had long since shrunk in the wash. Emily felt a rush of desire – primal and possessive over seeing her in her shirt – and if it weren't for the fact that Lux was asleep in the next room, she would've had her then and there.

Alex slipped into bed, snuggling up to Emily's side. "Seriously, how did you come up with that plan so quickly?"

"I'm a gay woman raised in political circles," she said with a shrug. "I always dreamed of the day I could spite my mother with a public outing. And nothing would be worse in her mind than a _blog article_..."

"_Evil_..." Alex insisted.

"Perhaps a little," Emily conceded, tracing her fingers over Alex's exposed knee.

Alex bit down on her bottom lip to stop the soft moan that wanted to escape. "Your wandering hands are going to get you into trouble..." she said, wrapping her fingers around Emily's wrist to stop her hand's upward travel.

"I happen to like trouble..." Emily informed her, brows waggling. "But you're right – Lux has ears like a bat."

"One of these days, you'll have to find a babysitter," Alex husked in her ear, nipping gently at the lobe before placing an apologetic kiss on her cheek.

Emily gave a throaty laugh. "Alex Blake, I like the way you think."


	14. Chapter 14

Alex was waiting at the bakery for Emily to finish her shift when a shadow loomed, ominous and dark, over her table and her latest attempt to write. She glanced up, expecting JJ with her knowing smile and free coffee refills, but instead finding Elizabeth Prentiss.

Alex stammered out a greeting as Elizabeth sat without waiting to be asked, plastering on a smile even though it felt like a bomb had just landed in her lap.

"Alex Blake...what a pleasant surprise," Elizabeth said like it was neither of those things. She glanced at the illustrations Alex had sketched in the margins of her writing with distaste in the purse of her lips. "I just stopped in to see my granddaughter," she said with a diplomatic pleasantness. "She was babbling on about a 'sleep over'..." She lifted one perfectly manicured brow.

Alex found it hard to believe that Lux had said anything on the matter to Elizabeth – both because she was rarely verbal with anyone besides Emily and also because Elizabeth frightened the child. She chose not to comment on that fact, though.

"How very like my daughter that I had to hear about her relationship from an_ internet article _and a five year old," Elizabeth continued. She emphasized the 'internet article' part like she'd tasted something particularly sour.

"It's still a very new relationship," Alex said, feeling the need to defend herself, defend Emily.

"Lux is calling you family," she said pointedly without giving her the opportunity to expand on her defense.

Alex tried hard not to grin like an idiot upon learning that because it had been so long since she'd had anything like family in her life, but the affection she felt for Lux was nearly as strong as her love for Ethan and the fact that the girl was returning the affection meant more than she could have possibly put into words.

Elizabeth's keen eye missed nothing, though, and her expression was barely short of disdainful. "Be careful, Dear," she said, the moniker cutting like a knife. "You'll only hurt Lux should things turn sour." Her tone left little doubt that she thought that an inevitability.

Alex opened her mouth to respond, though her vocabulary had once again abandoned her, when Emily approached, face darkening upon catching sight of Elizabeth. "Mother..." she greeted curtly. The two women exchanged heated words in hushed tones and eventually Elizabeth marched off without saying goodbye to either of them. Emily turned back to Alex, giving her a pained self-deprecating grin. "You came out of that relatively unscathed," she said in apology for her mother.

"I don't know," Alex said, "I think I feel some teeth marks..." Emily snorted in amusement. "I hope you know it will take more than your mother's sharp tongue to scare me off you."

Emily's smile was almost shy. "I'm glad to hear it. I've grown rather fond of you." Her gaze flickered away, then back to Alex's eyes. "You're still planning on coming to Thanksgiving, right?"

"You promised me wine and pizza, I'll definitely be there."

"That's the only thing enticing you?" Emily pouted.

Alex pretended to think on the matter. "Oh! I almost forgot Lux," she teased.

"You're lucky I like you so much."

* * *

Thanksgiving was a strangely fun affair.

Alex met Derek for the first time; she enjoyed his witty banter and harmless flirting. She could see why Emily enjoyed his friendship.

The four of them ate so much pizza they couldn't move and watched Beauty and the Beast three times in a row (at Lux's behest). After Lux went to bed, the adults got wine drunk and Derek asked overly personal questions about their sex life and told bawdy jokes until Alex laughed so hard her stomach hurt.

It was also a little melancholy.

It made her think of Ethan – what Thanksgiving would have been like if he were there. She'd only had him for such a short time and she couldn't help but think of all the things she was missing...like pizza and Disney Thanksgiving with their blended family.

As the two of them snuggled down into bed that night, Emily seemed to read her mind. "Do you think he would have liked us?" she asked, gently stroking Alex's hair as she lay with her head on the pillow.

"I hope so," she whispered. "Sometimes, I like to imagine what it would be like if he was here – playing with Lux like a big brother, joining in on movie nights and complaining we can't watch something scary, rolling his eyes whenever we kiss. I like to imagine us all as a family."

"We are a family and he's with us for all those things," Emily assured her.

"You think so?" she asked, faint smile quirking her lips, though there was still sadness in her eyes.

"Absolutely." She bit her lip then and, with a sigh, said, "I know what it's like to miss a child, to not have had enough time..."

"What?" Alex asked, voice barely a whisper.

"I've never told anyone this." She looked away, unable to meet her eyes as she said this. "When I was fifteen, I got pregnant. It was a stupid teenage mistake, but I loved that baby, _wanted _that baby...but I knew my mother would never understand. I chose to have an abortion because it seemed safer, _kinder_ than bringing a child into the fucked up mess that was my life at the time." She paused, almost as if waiting for Alex to get up and walk away. "When I got pregnant with Lux, it felt...wrong. Wrong that I should have that second chance when I'd thrown away the first one. And when she was diagnosed, it almost seemed like the universe was righting itself, punishing me for what I'd done..."

"Her autism isn't your fault," Alex whispered, voice so soft, almost reverent.

"I know that," Emily said, sniffling in spite of her attempt to keep rein on her emotions. "Sometimes, though, she seems like so much more than I deserve." She shook her head slightly, having gotten away from her point. "I think he or she had to come first, so that Lux could have a little guardian angel because Lord knows I won't always be there to protect her."

Using her thumb to wipe away a tear, Alex murmured, "I think you're right about that. And I hope Ethan is up there right now looking after his baby brother or sister, helping look after Lux." She leaned in to kiss her tenderly.

Emily gave a wet little laugh. "I like that." She sniffled softly. "Sorry to put a damper on the fun evening..."

"I can think of a way to make it up to me," she teased.

Emily laughed, properly this time. "I like the way you think. As long as you can be quiet, Lux should be out like a light." Then, with a little growl low in her throat, she pounced on her, claiming her lips in a searing kiss.

Alex laughed against her lips as Emily's hands travelled under her shirt, palming her breasts, laughter turning into a soft whimper. On an exhale, she whispered, "I love you."

For the briefest moment, Emily paused in her ministrations, smile slowly crossing her lips before she echoed, "I love you too."


	15. Chapter 15

Alex woke up to something poking her in the face. Without opening her eyes, she attempted to gently bat it away and, hopefully, get back to sleep; she was well and truly exhausted from the previous night's activities (Emily had managed to bring her to orgasm three times before they'd collapsed, spent, and fallen asleep, tangled in each other's arms).

The poking stubbornly persisted and, with a groan, she cracked one eye open to find Lux's face scant inches from her own and her tiny finger jabbing her in the cheek. _'Hungry,' _she signed.

Alex rolled over to see if Emily was awake, only to find her face mashed into the pillow which was muffling her soft snores. Apparently, Alex wasn't the only one worn out... With a faint chuckle and a shake of her head, she turned back to Lux and nodded. She tried not to examine the warmth flooding through her that the girl considered her safe enough to come to in lieu of her mother and the hint of sadness it brought with it.

When the girl scampered off to the kitchen, Alex climbed out of bed and wrapped herself in Emily's robe before joining Lux who had apparently selected a box of macaroni and cheese for breakfast.

"I don't think your mom would think that's a healthy breakfast," Alex remarked gently, browsing the cupboards for an alternative the child would find acceptable. "How about scones?"

Lux looked at her quizzically, apparently never having eaten a scone.

"My mom used to make them for me. You like blueberries, right, Étoile?" When she nodded, Alex continued, "I promise you'll like these."

Lux seemed to consent then, as displayed in the eager way she climbed onto a chair to help.

* * *

Emily awoke to find the kitchen almost destroyed – flour, batter, and blueberry stains on every surface within preschooler-sized reach. "What the he-_heck_ happened here?" she asked, catching the swear before it could come out. She bit down on her bottom lip, trying hard not to laugh.

"In my defense..." Alex started to say, then looked down at her messy apron and shrugged. "I've got nothing. And I can't in good conscience blame Lux...even if she _did _do most of it."

Emily laughed. "And what glorious concoction lead to the destruction of my kitchen?" she asked, leaning down to kiss the top of her daughter's head while avoiding grubby fingers.

Lux handed her a plate of lemon blueberry scones, without comment, other than a bright hopeful smile awaiting her mother's praise.

"Wow! You made these for me, Firefly?" Emily asked. "I'm so lucky to have such a talented daughter!" When her mouth was full, the doorbell rang. "Crap," she mumbled, spewing crumbs, "That's JJ."

Alex glanced down at her borrowed robe, ran her fingers through her obvious post-sex hair, and glanced back at Emily, stricken.

JJ would surely be able to infer what had happened the night before without the evidence that was Alex's appearance, but Emily didn't point that out. With a playful grin, she said, "Run upstairs and get dressed, I'll distract her."

By the time she returned, appearance neatly restored, JJ had made herself comfortable on the couch with her coffee and a smug smile. "Had a good Thanksgiving, did you?" she asked upon catching sight of Alex. She waggled her brows, leaving no doubt as to her meaning.

"Don't corrupt my daughter with your lewd double entendres," Emily scolded, though Lux was obviously clueless as she busied herself with a colouring book.

JJ gasped as if shocked that Emily would think her capable of such a thing. Then, she leaned forward to cover Lux's ears. "You totally _did_," she crowed, "You had sex... I have to text Derek!"

Alex felt her cheeks nearly glowing bright red. She shot Emily a glare that was half mortified, half murderous. Emily just shrugged, helpless, but her guilty expression was apology enough.

"_Finally_." JJ grinned satisfied. "Was it good?" she asked.

"JJ!" Emily yelped, reducing JJ to uproarious laughter.

As she settled back in her chair, grinning over the rim of her mug of coffee, a thought seemed to occur to her. "Speaking of sinning, we're still on for this weekend, right?" When Emily stared at her blankly, she groaned, "Don't tell me you forgot about our Sin to Win weekend in Atlantic City!"

"Sin to Win?" Alex repeated skeptically, wondering what exactly it was Emily did in her spare time.

"Just gambling," Emily assured her, but looking embarrassed nonetheless.

"So, I'm guessing that means you _don't_ have a babysitter," JJ said.

"I'll do it," Alex offered easily.

"Are you sure?" Emily asked, "That will mean meals and baths and everything..." She looked hesitant or possibly even doubtful. "I was going to ask Derek to do it, but he's away at a seminar this weekend. Lux has never been alone with anyone else that long..."

"As long as Lux is okay with it," Alex insisted.

"What do you think, Luxy?" Emily asked, getting down on the floor with her. "Do you want Alex to watch you this weekend? And she'll play with you and make you dinner and brush your hair?"

Lux thought on the matter for a moment, then nodded before returning to her colouring.

"I guess it's settled, then." Emily smiled at Alex with so much love in her eyes because she had somehow found it in her heart to love not only her, but her daughter as well, without question, without hesitation, without reservation. And Lux, who opened up to so few people, had accepted her right back, like she'd always been there, like she'd always _belonged_.

* * *

When Emily returned from Atlantic City, the house was dark and silent. Figuring Alex had gone to bed early, she tiptoed to look in on Lux before joining her. When she cracked open the girl's bedroom door, she found both Lux and Alex asleep, propped up against the wall and each other, a book lying open between them.

Trying not to wake them, she snapped a picture quickly before moving to put the book away. With a curious glance at the cover, recognizing it as not belonging to Lux's collection, she found an advance copy of Alex's latest book: _Spencer Reid and the Phantom Phonebooth_.

Alex propped one eye open then and gave a sleepy smile in greeting. "I wanted to surprise you with a copy, but Lux found it first and she was far too convincing...you'll be the _second _person to get to read it. I hope that's okay."

A warm glow spread through Emily and she felt the distinct choke of tears welling up in her throat because Alex was _trusting _her with this gift. Blinking a little too often, she gave in to the smile threatening to break out across her face. "Only if you read it to me," she whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

"Please, Luxy?" Emily begged.

Lux let out a shrill wail and stomped her little foot, batting the hairbrush out of Emily's hand. "Alex!" she demanded.

"Alex is very busy right now. Don't you want to look pretty for her? I promise to be very gentle and not pull your hair," she wheedled. Somehow, in the past few months since Alex had moved in (and Derek had moved out to live with his new girlfriend, Savannah), she'd become the preferred hair brusher...much to Emily's amazement.

Lux crossed her little arms firmly over her chest, shaking her head, tangled blonde curls tossed about with the movement.

Emily sighed wearily – she had to admit, the kid had gotten her stubbornness. "Fine," she conceded. "Alex can brush your hair when we get there." There was no winning when Lux was like this.

She tossed the brush and a handful of elastics and barrettes into her purse. "We're going to be late if we don't hustle," she warned her daughter as she smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress. Silently, she wished she'd taken the time to iron it, but it was too late now (and Alex already liked her anyway...). Lux, at least, was the perfect picture of adorable five year old...if it weren't for the bird's nest of her hair.

Emily just shook her head and smiled. "You look beautiful, Firefly," she murmured. "I'm sure Alex is very excited to see you all dressed up for her special day."

Lux, though, was already halfway out the door and wasn't listening.

* * *

When they arrived at the bookstore where they were hosting a release party for Alex's new book, Alex was surrounded by a small horde of children – many of them dressed up as Spencer – eagerly talking her ears off. Emily feared Lux's reaction, as she was none too fond of sharing Alex.

Alex caught sight of them almost immediately, her face lighting up in a smile. Once she carefully extracted herself from the tiny mob, she gravitated towards Lux who was bouncing in place with barely contained excitement. She shot Emily a raised brow over the girl's obviously unbrushed mop of curls; Emily just shrugged, tossing her the brush.

Garcia wandered over to Emily's side as Alex brushed Lux's hair, the two of them speaking in soft tones to each other, Lux occasionally glancing back at her with so much adoration. "They are so cute together," she effused in a stage whisper. "You guys make such a sweet little family. I totally ship it."

Emily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling...she couldn't help it because she was so damn happy in that moment. With her _family_...the one she never thought she'd be able to give her daughter, the one she never thought she deserved.

Once Lux's hair was braided in an immaculate plait down her back, Alex greeted Emily with a kiss. Emily wrapped her arms around her in a silent thank you for everything she'd given her. Alex returned the embrace, seeming to understand exactly.

"I fired Gideon," Alex announced in a hushed tone once Emily released her.

"What?" Emily asked, mouth hanging open a little in shock. She hadn't been expecting that announcement, though she couldn't say she was all that upset about it.

"I've been meaning to for awhile, considering how he overstepped his bounds by talking to you without my permission... But I crossed paths with David Rossi the other day, at that writer's workshop – he kind of implied that he'd known Gideon back in the day and said that if I ever wanted a change of pace, he'd hook me up with his agent."

"Good," Emily said firmly. "That guy was an ass," she added, a little too loudly for a store filled with children. Alex just laughed. "Are you nervous?" Emily asked, arm wrapped firmly around her hip. This was the first book release since Alex had essentially been forced to come out in a rather public fashion and Emily had spent many a sleepless night worried that she'd irreparably damaged Alex's reputation.

"I thought I would be...but now that it's here, I'm not," she said with a shrug. "The kids don't care who I date and they're the ones I'm trying to reach. Besides...I wouldn't give up you and Lux for all the critical acclaim in the world."

Emily blinked back joyful tears. "Let's revisit that when Lux is a teenager," she said ominously. If the girl was anything like her, they were in for a hell of a time...

* * *

When Alex approached the microphone to speak, Lux was steadfastly refusing to leave her arms. Emily suspected it's at least partly due to possessiveness over '_her _Alex'. Alex, at least, seemed perfectly okay with the little interloper on her hip.

She spoke briefly about how she'd never expected her books to take off, never expected them to be anything more than a narrow niche selection. She spoke about the work she'd done with various autism organizations and the wonderful children she'd met, how each and every one of them inspired her. Then, she surprised Emily...

"I want to thank this little girl in my arms," she said, locking eyes with Emily and smiling. "She reminded my that I was overlooking all the autistic girls out there who often struggle to get an accurate diagnosis because their autism looks 'different'. That's why I've introduced a new character into the series – so I can hopefully help these girls, like my little Étoile, see themselves the hero the way Spencer has done for so many already."

Emily felt tears pricking at her eyes as she flashed Alex a significant smile. Lux seemed blissfully unaware of what Alex was saying, but she too was looking at her like she'd hung the moon. Emily said a prayer to a God she wasn't sure she believed in, thanking him for this moment.

Then, Alex read the book (Lux again in her lap like that very first night they'd crossed paths with one Alex Blake who would change both their lives) and Emily's tears were full-on streaming down her face because Maeve was everything Lux had gone through and Alex had captured everything that made Lux strong and capable and smart and woven it into a heroine.

And one day, when Lux was older, hopefully she would understand just how much Alex loved her, as evidenced by the dedication inside the cover: _For Lux. The little star that lit up my darkened sky._


End file.
